My dance exam is on thursday. So stressed about that.. But to make matters worse confronting on dad is on thursday to.. I hate confrontations i get... Agro? Got that from my dad. We go straight into denial an become a closed up shell. I dont want anything to happen to him.. He's my DAD. An im such a bitch for doing this to him :( i feel so scared an awful.. God please give me the strength to stand..
And especially the strength to get through my dance exam.... Flip im gonna puke. Im so scared an nervous an stressed ugh i just cant explain it.. Im upset. Im hurt. Im angry. I hate myself. I hate life an im closing up i know it but the one person... i really wanna keep inside... I cant loose that person and im tryin my very bêst to build a door way into my walls where only they have the key...
Heres another poem i wrote

Whats this noise in my head
All these voices tellin me i should be dead
Telling me theres no reason im alive
No reason i should survive
why live at other peoples expense
Loving me just doesnt make sense
No need to recover from this pain
Why wash it away with pure rain You find that im shaken from head to toe
I have run out of feelings to show
Lost in how unpredicatable i feel
This is unbelievably real
Confused as to how things are suppose to be
Or if i'll ever be free
Nothing i can say or do
To let you know the things im going through
Misunderstood..
Unable to read me like you should..
No feelings brought to sight
Im now searchin for the light
But theres no light left in my life
One more time i use my blade
Last pills ill ever take
This may be a mistake
Last time ill hang from a tree
This is the last time you'll ever see me