Rainy day

Its raining here and im sitting outside in the cold because it suits my mood im shivering from the cold but i see no use in going inside to get a blanki. The rain is soaking me but thats ok it means no one can see how bad im crying. If i did have a heart or soul before today its definately broken and gone today nothing is going right. But then again nothing ever goes right for me especially lately. . . Who am i? Who was i? An who am i becoming? Its scary and im not sure im ready for it.. Not sure im ready for anything my life feels like its been put on display an its not mine anymore like its been taken over an changed. Im not in control.. Was i ever in control? All i know is i dont know if ill survive this weekend. . .